I need a break. It’s only Tuesday yet the days feel so heavy. Perhaps it’s the sudden shift in temperature. It’s about 30°C again. Also, lots of things to do, people leaving, general sadness and brain fog… yadda yadda. Anyway, here are some artists I’ve been listening to lately. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t listen exclusively to V6. (Hmmm, maybe 90% of my playlist). I actually shuffle through some rather indie tracks sometimes #nohipster. They’re great work and sleep music.

Kenichiro Nishihara  Some super nice Jazzhop with amazing Piano. A lot of his songs he collaborates with someone for the vocals, which I find to be just okay. Besides some favorite tracks (Beautiful Things, Moonchild, Sign) I prefer the instrumental tracks.

Recommended tracks: (aside from the aforementioned) Dawn, Childhood Interlude, Weather Overtone

Kenmochi Hidefumi If Kenichiro Nishihara does a lot Piano, Kenmochi Hidefumi has a lot of guitars. Both artists have a very jazzhop, Nujabes-y (RIP, Man) feel.

Recommended Tracks: Sakura Mentos, Stoner Sunshine

Lullatone Very unique and cute music from this Japan-based duo. While they wrote music for the original intention of making babies fall asleep, they’re songs have become my life BGM. So fun whistling at work or walking down the street with their music in full blast on my earphones.

Recommended Tracks:  Walking on the Sidewalk, Second Day of School. Download their music on Bandcamp

Pentatonix I basically found them when I was looking to hear a bass singer in popular music. Avi Kaplan is so awesome. There should be more songs for baritone and bass singers. I’m honestly not that into western pop music but I start to appreciate the songs when they cover it. Really talented bunch, these 5.

Recommended Songs: Look for their Sesame Street appearance!

 

Well, that’s all. Enzo used to have this theory that the reason why old people hate young people music is because once you reach a certain age, you’ve filled your quota for music appreciation. Past the age of, say 25, it’s pretty hard for you to get into a genre or artist as easily as younger people. This is why I’m trying to listen to as many songs and discover as many artists as I can while I’m still young.

So I’m actually stuck at home, in bed with multiple layers of bottoms, nursing period pains. Doesn’t seem like the best way to start the year. Despite that though, this is probably the only year-starter post I’ve written in this blog in which I’m actually a little bit optimistic.

Probably has something to do with how 2013 played out. For probably the first time in my life, I had what I always wanted and wished for. Actually having something means having something to lose, and this comes with its own problems. But for the most part I realize the reasons why I wanted those things in the first place. They really made everything better, and I guess a little happiness really wasn’t too much to ask. I’m utterly grateful.

I just feel driven to do better this year. I realize that while 2013 was good to me, I wasn’t good enough to it. I need to do better. I need to prove that I deserve all this. When I’m grateful for something, I fight for it. I live my life in the name of the things I’m grateful for. This is why, despite the limits of my flesh and mind, I want to do better this 2014.

I arbitrarily assigned 2014 as the year of foundation-building. This is the year I do the grunt and dirty work in order to set in place the framework of the rest of my life. This year will decidedly be unglamorous and difficult — it’s the year I start learning good habits, the year I will clean up and detoxify (literally and figuratively), the year I integrate and simplify processes to allow me to live the lifestyle I want. I don’t want anything grand for 2014. I just want to be able to get things in place. Small steps. Not going to be easy. I’m finally ready for this.

May this year be filled with an abundance of good, publishable research results, curricular revisions, tasks finished before the deadline, beautiful weather, and hugs. Lots and lots of fluffy hugs.

Guess who’s here! It’s me! Just dropping a quick post to greet everyone a Merry Christmas. I think I haven’t missed posting a Christmas related entry yet, so I try to come up with something.

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We have a new tree. If you remember, I kept talking about my tree in old posts whenever I would wax nostalgic about Christmas and being non-grinchy, but since that 24 year old thing has since retired, we got this new one. It’s a 7-foot tree that we stalked divisoria warehouses for last year. It curiously has tree different types of fake pine needles. I call it our Frankentree.

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A few more things. I didn’t open any gifts because I didn’t get any (aside from work giveaways, that is). I don’t even have a Christmas wishlist post this year, because next year I plan on wishing doubly hard. That’s okay though, I like giving more than receiving. I’m the type who stresses out about gifts and usually overspends on them.

That’s all. I’m sorry for the long and sudden disappearance. I’ve been busy with life. Blame work and DotA2 and my boyfriend. I can’t promise to be back for good but I’ll try.

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Done quite a bit this morning, figured I could treat myself to a nice lunch.

I was never a big fan of Cafe Antonio, especially during the early years. I felt the food was overpriced and they used the worst whip for their drinks. I only go for their vanilla sky shake.

Things got better after they merged with Arla though. It’s all good, and the cozy place has some zakka-ish vibe going. I go here occasionally, when I need to escape. Like now.
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Well, this certainly isn’t the best comeback post. No images, nothing special. I’m sorry, life happened and this blog was pushed lower on the priority list. I wasn’t even planning on posting this one, but I feel I have to. This is still a personal blog, after all. Sometimes I write for whoever is reading, but mostly I write for myself.

Last night, I experienced something for the first time in years. I had this feeling of deja vu, followed by nausea and confusion and something wrong with my right hand. I had a seizure.

I had epilepsy when I was a child. Well, actually I still do. There is no cure for epilepsy. Medication only controls the seizures. I suffered a grand mal seizure ones, and regularly had a series of absence seizures. After taking medication for two years or so, I was cleared and my neurologist said I don’t have to take meds anymore if I don’t get any symptoms in a year. So I went on and had a normal teenage life.

2006, I had this strange deja vus followed by nausea and confusion. I remember it happening during a humanities 1 class (I was looking at the clock and I thought “this happened before”. Well of course. The clock strikes 1 twice a day) I suddenly felt like I was gonna get sick so I headed for the bathroom. Nothing came up. Another time it happened during org recruitment reporting. I don’t remember any trigger, but it just happened and I felt like throwing up but it subsided and while I knew where I was, I didn’t seem to want to believe myself.

I went back to my neurologist for the first time in 7 years. I had an EEG test again and yep, I still have epilepsy. I was prescribed medication again, but I told my parents I didn’t want to take it. I’m so done with that. Since no seizures of the sort followed, I went on to have a normal young adult life.

Until yesterday. I was on my way to Makati from eLBi for a watecolor crafternoon (I’ll blog about this separately ^_^ ). On the bus, I got that deja vu feeling. I shrugged it off. Doesn’t everyone get deja vus? On the bus ride back, I felt the same thing. It was as though the exact same V6 song has played in that exact same part of SLEX before. I had this deja vu feeling which I chalked up to the nostalgia-themed V6 song I was listening to. I felt a bit dizzy afterwards but it was a cramped bus and I was riding on the second to the last row. It’s always a bumpy ride over the wheel.

That night, I was ready to go to bed. I was just staring at the ceiling like usual and then got a sense of deja vu. Well I stare at the ceiling all the time. Of course it has happened before. And then my vision started spinning and I felt like vomiting. The type where you can’t even stagger to the rest room. I shoved my mess to the side, making room beside my bed on the floor for me to throw up. I didn’t.

Afterwards, there was this feeling of confusion. I knew where I was and what time and date it was, but somehow I wasn’t so sure. Like I won’t believe myself. Or like I’m slowly forgetting. I can’t quite explain it, it’s like you know something for certain and there is logic to it but somehow it doesn’t make any sense. There was also this part where I felt that feeling you get when you know the answer.

The part that makes sense, does not make sense. And the part the shouldn’t make sense, makes sense. It was a very confusing experience.

Worse of all, and this is something I haven’t experienced before, was the strange feeling in my right hand. I feel it until now, although mildly. I know my hand is there. I have control of it. But I don’t feel it properly, like the way I usually do. I grabbed a notebook and pen to scribble the date. I was able to do it easily, but my hand didn’t feel the way it should when I write something down. It was as if my body has less awareness of my hand.

That was scary because I haven’t experienced something like that before. It’s better now, but it still doesn’t feel quite the same yet.

I don’t want this kind of hassle again. Medication is pretty expensive. I’ll try to get a checkup as soon as I can, although it’ll probably involve the same things all over again (EEG definitely, maybe CT Scan if they’re annoying, and probably the same meds but in higher dosage). I really don’t need this right now.

I should probably cut down on substances that affect the brain. I don’t mean illegal drugs but even caffeine, alcohol and nicotine have certain stimulant and/or sedative effects. I’ve been drinking too much coffee/tea lately. I’ll cut back and hopefully I don’t get anymore of these strange things.

I’m in the academe now and I can’t afford to lose any more brain cells. And I can’t afford to have my already terrible motor skills to get worse dammit! I want to watercolor! Scumbag Brain, please behave.

PS. I don’t mean to scare you, but just because you’re having deja vus too doesn’t mean you’re also having seizures. How often does it happen? Does it have a physical effect afterwards, such as nausea or tingling hands/fingers like mine? I think everyone gets deja vus but your deja vu is probably different from mine.  If you think it’s bad, see a neurologist.

According to google, these deja vus are actually auras, like the ones people get prior to a migraine, except people with epilepsy sometimes get them prior to a seizure. Google “psychic simple partial seizure” if you think this is happening to you as well.

PS. There are different types of epileptic seizures, and I think I’m fortunate to have only gotten a tonic-clonic grand mal seizure (the jerky type) just once compared to people who have it everyday. Still, don’t judge. I know there’s an unfair negative stereotype against people with epilepsy, which is why I usually don’t tell people about this. So readers, please still love me after this.